Pondering....
You know the last few months have been really hard to deal with at our house. I spend lots of time wondering where I failed my oldest and how to at least make him understand what is important to me. I hope that someday he will realize that he once felt the same way, but has just lost it somewhere along the way. Loving that kid is hard some days and him knowing his behavior is what I am disappointed in and not him personally are really hard for him to separate since he thinks it's the same thing. I love him with all of my heart and I hope he will know that some day. I read my sister's blogs and wish my life was that simple again and regret that I didn't do some things I should have. I guess the thought is that if I would have done some things different maybe his choices would have been different. I just hope and pray everyday that Heavenly Father will help me through these hard times and that I can change my heart to have a better relationship with all of my kids. I think the most important thing I pray for is that I have the courage to share my testimony with all of my children so that they will never question how I feel about the Savior and will want to feel the same way. Maybe some day the big pay-off will come that I hear about, but until then I hope that I can endure to the end and hold onto the iron rod, hopefully with my husband and all my children behind me.
